i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
