Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
