Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
