We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
