I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize