So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
