what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
