I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
