Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
how does that bad decision feel?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
