the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
