so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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