i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
