I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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