exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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