Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
this beer tastes like vomit already
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
