Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
