I puked a lego.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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