I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
