So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
