I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've blown a few things in my day
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
