Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
