we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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