I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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