I like to think it a success when the cops are called
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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