My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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