you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
