i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
