Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't tell me you're on acid again
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
