i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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