We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize