You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
time to smoke my breakfast
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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