Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
