The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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