His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As shirtless as possible
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
