I hate all girls vehemently.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
