so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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