last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
