I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
