i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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