WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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