If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
bring money and cleavage
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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