can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
