Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
