his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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