and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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