he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
