i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
