There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
