she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
