Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she peed on how many people?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
