No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
