EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
