FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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