I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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