i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
