Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
