Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
