I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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