just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
