do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
