I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
