I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize