Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
