i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
