That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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