u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
