well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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